Christmas Night
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
No electrons were flowing through even my mouse.
All devices were plugged in by the chimney with care
With the hope that St. Nikola Tesla would share.
The kitties were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of laser points danced in their heads.
And i with my Phone, and she in her thread
Had just settled down in our memory-foam bed.
The new-fallen snow was aglow with the moon;
In the distance it shone on our nuke’s snow-white plume.
So good were our windows, they kept out the cold;
Insulation, the doors—they were all up to code.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I cried out, “Alexa, see what is the matter!”
As LEDs flared, oh what did I see?
A miniature sleigh and eight tiny EVs,
With a little old driver so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nik.
I could see that his face held some fear and some dread,
As he knew straight away all his lithium was dead.
He was dressed in fake fur from his head to his foot,
And his power was clean—no ashes or soot.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth;
The emissions thereof curled his head like a wreath.
“Now, TESLA! now, i4! IONIQ and BOLT!
We will all fail this Christmas without a huge jolt!
Oh, LYRIQ! Oh, RIVIAN! E-TRON and MACH-E!
How can we recharge, without ‘tri-ci-tee’?”
He smiled o’er my way and then asked for a charge.
I nodded, said “Gladly— if it be not that large,
For my panels are dark, a lone wind turbine turned,
But ’tis better than coal, even if cleanly burned.”
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work;
He inserted the plugs, then turned with a jerk,
From his bag he pulled out a few small SMRs.
A mere kilo they seemed, but would fit nice on Mars.
He said to himself, “Soon away I will fly,
But handsome reward I should give to this guy.”
He laid at my feet all the power I needed,
And said, “Just refuel every decade, as needed.”
He sprang to his sleigh, and away they all flew,
No emissions released, no fossil fuel too.
But I heard him exclaim ’ere he drove out of sight,
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD LIGHT!”
James Conca is a scientist in the field of earth and environmental sciences specializing in geologic disposal of nuclear waste, energy-related research, planetary surface processes, radiobiology and shielding for space colonies, and subsurface transport and environmental cleanup of heavy metals.